Reason #876876 I'm probably very near my midlife crisis: I just saw this recent picture of Jude Law and was suddenly transported back to the pre-nanny, post-Wilde lust. However brief, it was still there.
Reason #876877 I'll soon be checking myself into a rehabilitation facility: I'm working part-time on the weekends at a Jewish deli. Again. For the tips. Booze money. I wish I was joking.
Reason #876878 I need to win the lottery: Volkswagen brought the Rabbit back. That was my first car at 16. A 1978 silver piece of shit that cost me 300 bucks but it had a sunroof and an 8 track player and the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack was stuck in it permanently. Since I'm on my way to midlife crisis at the tender age of 28 anyway, why not get the car to go with it? I will have one, oh yes.
That's all for now. Sayonara, el jay.